To Be Real...

• The closer my baby's due date gets.. the more afraid I get of being a mother. Life can be so rough sometimes, I barely feel like I can make it. I hope that I get the strength that I need to be a mother, a strong role model, and someone my child can really be proud of. I feel so young right now, and there are so many things that still need to be assessed and sorted out before lil one gets here. If it wasn't for God and for Emmanuel helping me, I really don't know what I would do right now.
• I like writing in this blog thing about my pregnancy and soon to be motherhood life because other women can read it and it may comfort them to know that someone is going through a lot just like they are. I am being entirely honest when I say that I am so very afraid of having a baby right now. Nothing is even prepared for him to be here yet, what if it won't be by the time he is here? I really wish that I could get a job right now, but I'll having horrible pains out of no where and I HAVE to sit down and rest for an hour or two... and plus, when I did try to apply for a job I got denied. I bet they could tell I was pregnant, and just came up with a stupid excuse to not hire me... Ugh. I don't even care where I would work, I just really want a honest, decent job. I applied at Walmart and they never even called.. meh.
• I read in my pregnancy books that it isn't really good to work that much while you're pregnant; it isn't super BAD, but you shouldn't be standing on your feet for more than 2 hours without a break or something. And you shouldn't work more than 6 hours in a day. I see pregnant women working all the time, but most of them are just trying to prove something, like "Yeah, I am pregnant AND I'm busting my butt all the time AND going to school AND etc.!!" Please... you are hurting your baby with your butt-busting; slow down a bit. Ugh, I feel so lazy and incompetent after withdrawing from school and getting fired from my job for missing too many days due to my pregnancy. The only thing that is keeping me sane is the fact that all of the stuff I sacrificed is making it a lot safer for my baby to be in my tummy.
• Everyone, especially my mom, keeps asking "What are you going to do after the baby is here? Are you going back to school?" I really have no clue what I am going to be doing, I just really want to make it through my pregnancy; that's all I am truly worrying about, to be honest. I would love to go to back to school ASAP after my son is born, but that seems highly impossible and is also something I DON'T wish to do. I really don't want to take my baby to daycare because I don't trust those people. I would love for my mom to offer to watch him, but she is just NOW coping with the fact that I am pregnant and I am almost 6 months. Blah, I know God will be by my side and help with this big list of questions and this ongoing of confusions.
• I think I am going to apply to McDonalds tomorrow. It's worth a shot.. anywhoodles goodnight and God bless.